3 weeks, 5 days

Three weeks and five days until I board the plane for Dublin. Holy shit. I need to GET RID of my stuff!!! Crunch time. Now this is very real.

There are a bunch of things I was waiting for mom to help me with. I want her to go through my yarn to see what she wants before I try to sell what's left or give it away. She wants to go through my dye. But other than that....these things are my responsibilities! I need to figure out a way to sell them. It is such a weird experience to watch my life going away in bits and pieces. But it isn't my life at all, just an accumulation of stuff.

Time for breakfast.

respect the popcorn

I haven't been to the grocery store in over a month. Partly it's shear laziness. But the other reasons are that I'm very low on money (saving up for the trip and whatnot) and because I'm trying to eat down all the food I already have. I'm doing a pretty good job. Basically I have some trail mix, frozen bagels (but no cream cheese and almost no butter), and oatmeal left. I also have some popcorn kernels and (until this morning...now there are two) three mini bags of microwave popcorn.

I love popcorn. To me it is a main food group. I like it airpopped, microwaved, stove cooked and from the movie theatre. Pretty much anyway you serve it, I love popcorn. Recently, Orville Redenbacher came out with a Natural line and the box has 4 mini bags in it. I discovered the Salt and Black Pepper variety and fell in love. The problem was that once I found it, I couldn't seem to find it again. Until one day it magically appeared at the grocery store near my house. I was ecstatic. I bought two boxes.

Last time I went to the grocery store (over a month ago, remember) they were out. I was forced to buy the light butter variety. I had one pack of salt and pepper left, waiting until a special craving to eat it.......

This morning I woke up to see the bag in the trash can. A great sadness swept over me and I cried out. I tried not to be too upset. It is just popcorn afterall. And the girl who ate it doesn't live here and it was late and she was drunk when the travesty occurred.

But here's what bothers me: A.) why is being drunk an excuse ALWAYS for inappropriate behaviour? (and I'll admit I've used the excuse, too) and B.) I probably wouldn't be steaming about it still, about 9 hours after the discovery of the bag in the trash, if she had only just said "sorry". Instead I was told "see what happens when you save things for a special occasion?" STEAMING I AM. What the fuck were you doing in my cabinet anyhow? And then to lecture me on what I do with my own food??!!

I like this person, I really do. She's a fun girl to be around and I generally enjoy when she comes to visit. But seriously, when you're in someone else's home, respect their shit.

good omen

I like to think I had a good omen today. I was pulling my laundry out of the dryer today and there was a five pound note in the lint trap. England isn't one of my stops right now, but it seemed like a very positive sign. The other day my roommate found a $10 bill on the ground, but I found foreign money!!

I made yummy snickerdoodles today to take to my friend's going away party. One thing I know I will miss while I'm traveling is baking. Something I know I will have to buy or borrow or steal when I get a little bit settled, is some basic baking materials so that I can bake bake bake!!

just to recap

Just to recap:
I'm leaving the country. I'm going to Prague for 5 weeks to learn how to teach English as a foreign language. After the program....I would LOVE to be able to stay in Prague or Europe, but will go where I get a job. I was looking for a way to actually travel, see things, and this seemed like a great way to do it. So here I go!!

nothing much

I recovered from Father's Day without too much lasting damage. Yes, I ended up in a hot bath with a tall glass of Jameson and Harlem's equivalent of Cheetos, a cheesy snack mix. But I ended the day drunk and giggly, watching Dexter with the roommates.

My birthday party / going away party is official. The event is posted! It will all be so real! I get on a plane in 4 weeks and 2 days. Holy cow.

every June comes Father's Day

Today is Father's Day. I do my best not to think about it but I can't read any facebook posts without it staring at me, rubbing it in my face. It does get easier, I won't lie. My first couple of Father's Days without my dad were really rough. I could be found crying in the bathtub with a tall glass of scotch and some Cheetos.

I'm not there anymore.
I'm much better.

Now I just mope about the house a bit. I haven't even mustered up a real tear yet this year and that's what really has me sad. I don't want it to stop hurting. I don't want it to get any easier. I liked the pain. I enjoyed that somehow that made him closer to me. But I know that is the natural order of things and as more and more years go by it will get easier and easier. Someday I may not even care that Father's Day has come and gone. But that day isn't here yet so I'm going to relish every minute of my misery and stop wishing the day away but go out and enjoy it.

And save most of my drinking for tonight. Cheers, dad.

it's all no big deal

This morning I woke up to thoughts of my blender which led, obviously, to thoughts about my silverware. Both of these things I figured I would give to my niece to use while I'm away but might want back when/if I come back. But I couldn't help wondering, and I'm not proud of this, if she will treat them with the proper respect. Good grief. Get over yourself! Of course she will. And if something gets broken or lost, it is NO BIG DEAL. I could have broken or lost any number of the things I'm giving her, she's just lucky I haven't...yet....because I do have a good way of breaking things. I learned it, actually, from my sister, her mother. So we all come by it quite honestly and it is something I certainly can't hold against her. So, yes, she will be the recipient of my blender and my silverware, both Christmas gifts from my mom.

But I'm still thinking I'll put my $100 Kitchenaid PINK handmixer in storage. I'm not THAT giving!

panic...panic...PANIC!!!

I'm panicking about things that I shouldn't be panicking about. Things over which I have no control.
I have so much stuff.
What to get rid of?
What to give to my niece (who is about to move to NYC)?
What to store?
When do I list my bed for sale? I need to sleep on it but I don't want to wait so long that I don't have time for it to sell.

My niece was supposed to be here a couple of months ago but her boyfriend's job keeps getting postponed....so they still aren't here. I'm pawning so much stuff onto her that I want her to get to the City so that I can get this stuff OUT OF MY ROOM. I'm so sick of looking at piles. I am so ready to be free from all of this STUFF.

Don't get me wrong...part of my panic is about all of this stuff in my room....the other part of my panic is HOW WILL I LIVE WITHOUT ALL MY STUFF?!!

I have this fear that I'll be back to NYC in a couple of months and want/need all my stuff back. The stuff that has taken me years, a lifetime, to accumulate. But I know that it's just the side of me talking who has always needed the steady paycheck, who was too afraid to jump off like this. So I'm not going to listen to her. I'm going to listen to the free spirit, the one who wants to travel, to learn about other cultures, to live in new places, and who will make it through even without knowing whether or not I'll have a job come September 3rd.

Woke up from a dream....

I woke up this morning from a dream (dread? nightmare?) about the day I have to leave my dog behind. Really it isn’t a bad thing at all. I’m going on an adventure and I just can’t take her with me. And I’m leaving her with friends who really should be canonized (they’ve just adopted FOUR kids and are some of the best, most patient and loving parents I’ve ever seen….but that’s her blog, not mine). So it isn’t that I’m at all worried about her, but I’m worried about the logistics of the day, and I’m so so so sad even thinking about leaving her.

My dog’s name is Kiyomi and she’s the sweetest, calmest, most loving dog I’ve ever known. Which is really lucky for me because she’s the first dog I’ve ever had. I was afraid of dogs most of my life so I really got started on a good one. After being bitten by a Doberman (who thought my runny and laughing after his owner girl was threatening, decided the solution was to jump up and bite my ear),continually jumped on by the dogs across the street and my brother’s dog who was so aggressive we had to get a post office box because the mailman refused to deliver to our house anymore, I just didn’t think dogs were all that great. But then I bought a house, had an honest to god white picket fence, and figured a dog was supposed to go in that beautiful big yard to complete the perfect picture. And Kiyomi has been the perfect dog.

I left that beautiful house with the white picket fence a few years ago. I live in a wonderful 3 bedroom apartment in New York City now. I have roommates and so does Kiyomi. But that’s all about to change, which is really what this whole thing is about.

I am leaving Kiyomi with my friends, the saints, because I’m moving and really I don’t know where I’m going. I know where it all begins, I bought the one-way ticket, but where I’ll end up, I have no idea. And this all starts 5 weeks from tomorrow (cue minor panic attack). I fly to Dublin because airfare to get to Dublin was cheap and I figured once I was in Europe, I could find a way to get to Prague, which is my first major destination. But I figured, since I’d be in Dublin, why not stay a few days and actually see something? So, I’ll be in Dublin for 4 days! So excited. Then I leave Dublin on Thursday night, arrive in Prague, stay in a hostel for 2 nights and then move into the student flat on Saturday for school to begin on Monday morning.

I’m going to Prague to take the course in how to teach English as a foreign language. Lots of people have done it before me and there are lots of blogs to chronicle them, too. But this one is about me so that’s what makes it different!

P.S. I also woke up this morning with a huge bug bite on my heel, maybe that’s why my dreams turned sad?!